the life of a child of a narcissistic, selfish mother.

i spoke to my psychologist today about how things were going with me. then i said, "i've probably said this before but i always wonder HOW my mom can just go on with her life without saying sorry or even taking accountability for being the CAUSE of at least two surgeries so far in life." then my psychologist asked how i knew she was to blame and i said, "well.. NONE of my family has even brought this up to me in the past.. so i get the feeling they don't really care about me.. but i DO remember my grandma bringing up to the doctor when he asked if i had been hit in the abdomen when i was first having surgery at children's here.." i also looked up the causes of "blocked bowels" after i had surgery on my bowel for it being blocked and it said trauma to the abdomen causes your bowel to be blocked- seeing as i was just sitting at my computer when i FIRST felt the kicking feeling in my abdomen that wouldn't stop- so no trauma being caused to my abdomen at that time- the ONLY trauma i could think of was back when i had a perforrated bowel and i remember my grandma saying something about my dad accidentally kicking me while him and my mom was fighting- which resulted in a perforrated bowel for me and now, later, a blocked bowel. i also told my psychologist about telling my brother that mom put me in front of our dad while he was kicking her to use me as a human shield from getting kicked by him and i said that he said, "sounds like something mom would do." and he told me about a time when we were younger and my sister's dad hit my brother in the eye while doing something and my mom bitched at my brother for it. my psychologist said to me, "well.. it's nice you guys can bond over something like that.." i must've looked at her like she was crazy because she said, "well.. he knows how it's like to be mistreated by your own mom.." he was more or less saying he wouldn't put it past her because of shit she was responsible for with him also. i'm not sure if my psychologist was trying to reassure me because people might not believe me but if my brother also had a story about her being negligent and abusive- it might feel more valid. then i said, "my mom has never been held responsible for ANY of the shit she's ever done because my grandma felt responsible for why the umbilical chord was wrapped around her neck when she was born.." then my psychologist said, "oh.. i see.. i read about this one woman feeling like she shouldn't be held responsible for any of her actions either and her parents ended up dying and she was left to try to fend for herself." i don't remember if she said the rest of the story but for some reason i lost interest to prevent me from acknowledging her story.. wonder if it's because i recognize that I am the OFFSPRING in this situation- so IT'S NOT MY FUCKING RESPONSIBILITY TO TAKE CARE OF A WOMAN WHO HAS BEEN THE CAUSE OF AT LEAST TWO of my surgeries in life SO FAR. i'm on the path to shitting in a bag! thanks a lot idiot. i'm pretty sure the only reason why i'm not shitting in bags now is because i think i take at least 3 or 4 stool softeners a day. i brought up the question of how in the world does my mom seem to think after EVERYTHING i've been through on account of HER NEGLECTFUL, SELFISH ASS that i'm just gonna give up EVERYTHING i've worked my ass off to get and just remain in THIS state by my mommy who is the cause of my surgeries and ptsd? SHE REALLY DOES HAVE A MENTAL DISABILITY. needless to say- my psychologist can see why i wanna get the hell outta this state and FAR AWAY from my mom. my psychologist brought up writing my mom a note that i never give her but i'm not even sure she's worth the time- EVEN if she isn't gonna get it.